VALUES BASED® COUNSELING
with Kelly Patrick Gerling, Ph.D.

Serving the Seattle Area

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About Kelly

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Kelly's Quest

From 1983 to 1988 I studied the literature on conflict resolution as thoroughly as I could. I had to write a doctoral dissertation, and I chose to do it by creating a model for negotiation and mediation that encompassed the research from a number of fields. By integrating negotiation theory, mediation practice, family therapy, international law, the biology of symbiosis, the insights of NLP, and the methods of hypnotherapy I created a comprehensive model. The resulting 567-page dissertation titled Universals of Negotiation became the final capstone on my Doctor of Philosophy Degree in Clinical Psychology.

I've been applying that work in two ways since then. One way is the conventional way: as a mediator to resolve conflicts and bring about agreement in situations involving people in conflict. The other way is to use the patterns of conflict resolution within a person to resolve internal conflicts. This typically involves a form of hypnotherapy and self-hypnosis. I'll describe each of these, in turn, below. But first I'll summarize the general model for conflict resolution.

My Model for Conflict Resolution:
Phases, Themes and Rules

The phases of a mediation constitute a series of milestones that need to be reached before the next phase can be even started. The six phases are Preparation; Open Communication, Problems, Goals and Values; Options; Decisions; and Action & Followup. These normal phases in a mediation are described in more detail in the section Mediation under Types of Service.

The themes of a mediation involve qualities of a healthy relationship such as trust and open communication between individuals, which I call the Relationship Theme; congruence within the person at each phase, which I call the Congruence Theme; and an awareness of the foreseeable consequences of actions in the negotiation on those on the outside and in the future, which I call "ecology"—which means respect for others affected by decisions in the larger family, business, community or beyond. This is the Ecology Theme.

The four rules of a mediation are these: how to resolve process conflicts between phases and themes, which I call the Phase-theme Interaction Rule; making sure each person has positive intent towards the others in the negotiation, which I call the Positive Intent Rule; encouraging each person to be flexible in their communication and approaches is called the Variability Rule; and helping each person experience situations from multiple perspectives is called the Poly-description Rule. These four rules support the success of maintaining the three themes and transition through the six phases.

Conflict Resolution Methods:
Involving Individuals in Conflict

Nothing stifles the effectiveness and well-being of a group more than an unresolved conflict between its members.

When a family, couple, business, team, or other groups cannot resolve their conflicts, one way to resolve the conflict, create agreement is to use an outside mediator. The mediator uses methods such as those described above to take the participants in the mediation through a process enabling them to bring about an agreement.

Conflict Resolution Methods:
Involving Conflicts within a Person

Nothing robs a person of energy and enthusiasm more than an unresolved, inner conflict.

When a person has an inner conflict, the methods that help groups of people create agreements can also help create agreements between the parts of a person who had been in conflict. This is a process of internal negotiation between parts, or sub-selves, with the help, at least initially, of the counselor in the role of a mediator.

These methods of conflict resolution provide help for each of the services I offer.

METHODS
Depth Psychology
NLP

Hypnotherapy

Conflict Resolution

Values

Healing

Spirituality

Conceptual Blending

Synthesis

TYPES OF SERVICE
Individual Counseling
Family Counseling
Life Story Coaching
Mediation
Physician Coaching
Leadership Consulting

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